Is He the Right One? by Shirley Toliver

I was thinking about how I talk to my 16 year old daughter regarding her body and her decision as to when she is ready to become intimate with someone (prayerfully she waits until marriage), however until then she needs to know how to say “no”. She needs to have a game-plan whereas if she is being pressured, she needs to know how and why she is saying “no” and mean it.

As basic as this sounds, it’s the same game plan single sistahs should be working with. First, you should know who you are. Second, what are you looking for in the “Right One”. Whatever those attributes are, mean it. I am now married for three years, however I have to admit that during my dating years I found myself settling more than once. I have always said my mate would have a relationship with God, family man, honest, economically stable and compassionate. I had these attributes written down so I had to have meant it! These attributes are really very basic; however, I correlated these attributes with other things. I added subtexts to them.

I correlated having a relationship with God to attending Church regularly. I correlated family man with Loving his mother, not how he treated his mother. I correlated honest with staying out of trouble. I correlated economically stable with education and intellect. I correlated compassionate with passion and intimacy. Because I added subtexts to the attributes, I ended up once with an individual who went to Church but didn’t have a real relationship with God. He Loved his mother but frequently forgot Mother’s day, his mother’s birthday and didn’t spend quality time with his child. We sure were passionate and intimate but he was emotionally unattached. And so on and so on. I figured out that I was adding the subtexts so that I could venture into the relationships.

All I had to do was stick to the game-plan and mean it.

What changed? I focused on ME and decided not to accept anything less than I deserved and asked God for guidance to recognize my husband when he found me because this man would have the basic attributes and would not need subtexts.

Article written by Shirley Toliver (member of He Is The RIGHT One)