Don’t have sex too soon. It is too often women choose to use the power of sex with the ambition of attracting a man and hopefully keeping him. An important thing to remember about men is that they are able to compartmentalize their emotions. In others words, sex and feelings are two entirely separate things for most men. Just because the two of you are intimate, and YOU feel closer to him, that does not mean he will feel the same about you. Unlike most women, who naturally package their emotional and physical feelings all in one, most men are prone to do the opposite; they will love sleeping with you before they love you.
Don’t choose a man just because he looks good. We all know that looks aren’t EVERYTHING but, they sure make a difference when you are thinking about becoming involved with someone. The important thing is not to be so overwhelmed by a good looking man that you lose your rationale and decision making skills. If the attraction is mutual then the two of you will reach the physical level in due time. Keep in mind, there’s more at stake here then just sex; it’s your heart and sense of self.Don’t choose a man out of loneliness or desperation. It’s very important for your own sake that you do not make this mistake. Men are also intuitive and can detect when a women is desperate. Desperation is a feeling that no matter how hard you try to hide it, you simply can’t. It surfaces in some form or another, through excessive calling, separation anxiety, jealousy, or over compensation in your actions (becoming too submissive, or willing to do anything). It’s a definite recipe to set you up to be taken advantage of and ultimately hurt.
Don’t ignore your instincts. Every woman has that incredibly powerful sixth sense… USE IT! Now I want you to think about this… How many times have you felt like something just wasn’t right about a guy? Or something inside of you just said “He’s lying. I know it!” However, you didn’t allow yourself to follow your first mind. I’m not saying call Cheaters (although that is an option) or stake-out his apartment but, I am saying if you have to think twice about him, save yourself the headache and separate from him. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred your instincts are right.
Don’t share too much about yourself too soon. When you are beginning to date someone, everything should be done in moderation. There is no need to share your life story with a guy right away. Even when it feels like it may be love at first sight, allow yourself to ask him questions that are important to you and allow him to do the same. Allow conversation to flow about a variety of topics. You’ll find that when there is two-way dialog of giving and sharing information you’ll gradually learn quite a lot about each other and develop a mutual comfort level between the two of you. Besides, there’s no fun in telling a guy everything about you on the first date or phone conversation. There’s no mystery... mystique is very sexy to most men.
Don’t choose a man because of the material stuff he has. Material things are exactly what they are… material! They are objects, things, bits and pieces. They DO NOT in any way indicate how a man will treat you. It just means that he has stuff, in some cases its nice stuff. It’s not yours, it’s his, remember that.
Don’t judge a man before you get to know him. Unfortunately, this happens far too often. Some women judge a man based on how he’s dressed, what he drives, whether he’s shy or the life of the party, who he knows and hangs out with, or my favorite…”He just looks like a playa”. Although some of these may be legitimate tangible’s…you really can’t judge a man unless you take the time to know him. Don’t make this mistake, you may be looking over the right one and not know it.
He ain’t gonna change, so DON’T try to change him. For the most part what you see is what you get with most men. If he is not meeting your expectations in your relationship, then don’t prolong the inevitable, move on. Often most men simply will not change until they are ready, open, and willing. Depending on where he is in his life whether he is driven or content, he will not be who you want him to be until he is ready. In the meantime, do not settle.
Don’t use him. It’s real simple. Either you are interested in the man or you’re not. It’s ok to let him know that you’re interested. However, don’t use him to fill a void or to take up a Friday night date spot just because you are bored, lonely, or want a free meal. It’s misleading, and it’s important to understand that you may not fully know the type of man you’re dealing with, he could be possessive or even violent in some cases. A free movie and dinner isn’t worth it.
Don’t make him priority too fast. When you make a man the top priority early in the dating phases he will take you for granted more often then not. Inevitably you will compromise more of you, your time, and in some cases your finances before he will do anything for you. Remember, developing a relationship is a joint effort between two people. It is critical that you recognize that the feelings and the efforts are mutual between you and him, otherwise, most likely you will be left with the tab.
Peace is love, love is infinity...
Shelby
