Pretty black girl In the latest magazine issue of Black Woman, I read an enlightening article about black women being sexually inhibited. The article is by Cheryl J. Questeli and she sheds a logical insight on black men and women views of sex overall and, with their significant others.  Cheryl starts with the common practice of mothers talking to their little girls about sex. They’ll talk about their menstruation but they won’t get into the education of sex.  It seems that kids today are getting most of their sex education from friends (who have very little knowledge) and of course, television.  T.V. today projects an explicit message about sex primarily through music videos that tell young people that it’s ok to have sex; sex is fun. These videos influence what they wear and how they act, which to Cheryl’s point, leaves no balance with the lack of knowledge, to no knowledge at all about sex.

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, who is the author of a book titled Pleasure, found that “Black women are much more inhibited than other groups.”  She says, “Our ideas about sex have been passed down from generation to generation. Keep your panties up and your skirts down! Good girls don’t have sex! Most black women don’t talk about it and, when they do, they focus on not getting pregnant or diseases. They do not focus on the pleasure.”  She stresses that it’s important that we talk about sex openly and honestly with our kids, to help them understand that consensual consent is a must and, so the knowledge about sex is retained.

Cheryl further states that what we learned or didn’t learn about sex can most likely be traced back to slavery. Black women weren’t originally perceived as inhibited. Nedra Austin, author of law paper “Anti-Miscegenation laws and the Negro Woman,” writes,” White women, bound by Victorian ideals of purity and religion, were viewed as sexually inhibited, while Negro women were typically described as more passionate. White women were encouraged to be more pure, while slave women  were pictured as outlets for men’s sexual desires. Despite the violent and coercive mistreatment of bound slave women, they were considered promiscuous.” Dr. Hutcherson says since then ‘…we became sexually repressed trying to counter the labels placed upon us.”

As a result, sex in black marriages is suffering because of these embedded inhibitions.  Black girls grow up learning through the church that sex is bad, “sex is a sin”, and you’re not supposed to have sex until you are married. Dr. Hutcherson believes that sex education should be apart of the church. She states “because sex was not presented in a positive way, Wives can’t make the transition from ‘good girls don’t have sex’ to a ‘freak’ in the bedroom.  She mentions, “that many husbands won’t allow their wives to make the transition because they received the same message growing up so they are not open to trying anything new.”

This is something that has to change. Black women are too beautiful (inside and out) to short-change themselves on the real experiences and pleasure of uninhibited sex and love making within their marriages and their serious long term relationships. Dr. Hutcherson, further states that this change has to happen from within in order for Black relationships to survive. She encourages Black women to begin to dialogue FIRST with themselves, then with their daughters and sons. Black women need to become more comfortable with their bodies. She suggest that Black women, when looking at their bodies, embrace their exquisite image that is reflecting in the mirror and begin to think of themselves in a more pleasurable way. She strongly advises that Black women take ALL negative messages and turn them into positive ones.
She urges that Black women know “I have a right to sexual pleasure.” It’s imperative that Black women understand that sex is something beautiful and positive rather than something to be feared!”

I found this article to be very insightful and educational. I hope all of you find value in the content as well.

Share it with a friend!

Peace is Love…Love is Infinite

Shelby M. Hill
Dating/Relationship Empowerment Coach
Email:ishetherightone@gmail.com

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