Is there really a shortage of decent Black men with decent careers, with decent values and know how to treat a woman?  I don’t know, maybe there is and then again, maybe there isn’t.  We live in a time, the Free world TODAY, where “sky’s the limit” in entrepreneurship, business opportunities, and a seemingly abundance of influential and progressive Black men… why are Black women settling? Black women, now more than ever, are just as affluent in business, sistapreneurship and career. Self-esteem and companionship should be at an all- time high but, according to this article written by Ed P. Wimberly, this is not the case.  According to Wimberly’s research the concept of African-American women settling is far beyond material things, high salaries, and degrees. Fact is those tangibles don’t matter to most black women. It’s the intangibles of companionship that matters most.  Read this article written by Wimberly as he sheds some insight on black women “settling”’.

Among African-American women there is a popular concept called "settling." Settling occurs when a woman lowers her expectations of a man in order to secure male companionship. The objective is to find intimate companionship. Many African-American women indicate that settling is one of the most self-destructive behaviors in which women can engage. Some conclude that women are better off remaining alone than settling for less than they deserve.

One of the best explanations of settling comes from the work of Renita Weems, an African-American biblical scholar at Vanderbilt University, in her book I Asked for Intimacy. Her work on the Leah Syndrome seems to capture what I have learned from African-American women counselees about the impact on them, and a lack of integrity. Leah, described in the twenty-ninth chapter of the book of Genesis, is a woman who waited around for a man who did not want her. For Weems, the Leah Syndrome is about women who love too much, who conspire against themselves, who use their sexuality to snare men they would be better off without, who get into relationships that destroy them, and who "settle" when they could do better.

She does not see these women as victims; she sees them as relationship addicts. Relationship addicts are those who tie their self-esteem to others rather than find it within themselves and in their relationship with God. Such women, she says, settle for any kind of relationship when no relationship at all might be better for their self-esteem.

I trust that if nothing else this article was informative to someone. To that someone, I hope that you are able to rise up within and be empowered to settle for NOTHING less than what you desire from a man, and what you expect from him. Black people have been settling for too long on too many things since our existence. The one thing we’ve ALWAYS been strong on is faith. Keep the faith strong and there will be a man that will meet your expectations and not have you lower them.
 
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Peace is Love, Love is Infinite…
Shelby Hill
Relationship Empowerment Coach

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